Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
Not sure if friends actually read this, nonetheless the year has finally ended. This year is markably one of my worst years. Broken hearts, departures and failing academically is probably the worst combination.
From all that I learnt how to take a step towards moving on, & have a little caution. Priorities are probably one of the utmost important thing to remember.
As 2011 ends, I heart-fully thank those who gave me love when I needed it most and stayed when loneliness crept in and when I was hung out to dry.
I hope i've made a difference in someone's life or gave them love when they needed it. 2012, you'll definitely be better. Promise.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Found the complete Star Wars saga at home and started to make myself comfortable in my room. But when I put the first cd into the disk drive, it got ejected almost immediately. What fate! Mac can't play blu-ray cds. Now i've got to wait till tomorrow to watch it in the living room cause I don't feel like moving.
I completed this whole trilogy along with some of the appendices yesterday. I never expected the whole trilogy could be so emotional until I watched the appendices. The show was magnificent and definitely deserved the many oscars they won.
It dawned upon me that it was the experience that would stay throughout, though the number of awards was definitely a nice recognition of effort and acknowledgment. I can't imagine the wonderful depth and joy from the whole journey of filming for all the cast and crew. I found myself all teary-eyed towards the end and this morning, I woke up with my heart and thoughts left in Minas Tirith.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
So often when I mention of disappointment or anything pessimistic, I am told that things will be okay. When everything seems so bleak and dismal, I tell myself that it's okay. Breathing takes on inspiration and expiration; i'm still alive, life goes on. The latter is an honest belief but I find it hard to believe that the first is true. Things cannot be okay after events have occurred. I'd like to think so, but thinking that being okay isn't true. If so, why do I still return to the same issues and have to tell myself that it's okay so that I can get on. If things were really okay, should there not be these returning occurrences? So it's not okay, don't tell me it's okay. Perhaps things can be okay if the right turn is taken or if things get worked out, till then, just don't.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
It wasn't the Christmas I expected. This year, I looked forward to a quiet Christmas, preparing a nice meal with carols in the background.
Nonetheless, despite being disgusted with the superficiality and the materialists people can be, I quite enjoyed myself making papaya sorbet and shepherd's pie. The weather's cold, almost perfect to snuggle under covers and fall, slowly, asleep.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
My heart did so carefully preach and warned me to stand firm my ground as it braved the weathers. But I let it be covered by the sand and rock the wind blew. I became so angry with people and then myself. Every year, month or semester, i'd be saying how grateful I am to have a new start; a fresh beginning. Never does it end up the way I wished it. Got carried away, surrendered, broken, uplifted, disappointed, emptied out. When 2012 comes, i'm gonna be grateful that I have this new beginning but i'm not going to end it as how it has always ended.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
I always love trips to Ikea. They have lovely Christmas deals for furniture, pots, pillows & even food. Since I didn't need to get anything there, I got myself a hot dog and drink set for $1.50 (whoots!). So proud of myself for exercising a lot of self-control from buying those lovely pots & candle holders.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
For the past few years, people have been talking extensively about global warming and how polar caps are melting and seasons are no longer consistent. Recycling is important, but it isn't exactly aesthetically appealing. Most of the time, although we're doing a part in society by dumping unwanted things into their respective recycling bins, we don't feel that we're actually doing anything. We can't see what exactly happens to that empty can of coke we've just thrown into the bin. I tried recycling some things myself, like creating an object or item out of unwanted things. Jennifer Collier has made something so common- recycling into something so beautiful.
Here are some of her art pieces:
credits: Jennifer Collier
Good things are to be shared.
Last week, I was craving terribly for something chewy, sticky and sweet. I headed down to a nearby supermarket to look at what could I possibly buy to bake. I thought of making macarons but there was no powdered sugar to be found. Instead, a small packet of Betty Crocker's brownie mix caught my eyes. In the end, I added that to my grocery basket along with a stick of oreo cookies. The brownies turned out better than I expected and I couldn't help nom-ing them. So if you have about half an hour to space, why not try baking oreo cookies. They cost you less than what you can find outside yet they taste good. Cheap thrills :} So here's the recipe for you!
You would need:
1 packet of 10.25 ounce Betty Crocker Fudge Brownie mix
5 pieces of oreo biscuits (you can add more if you want it to be more oreo-y)
2 tablespoons of water
1/3 cup of vegetable oil
Prep: ~6 mins Baking: 28 mins
1. Preheat the oven at 300 degrees.
2. Take a pan of size 9" x 9" and grease it with vegetable oil or butter.
3. In a big bowl, empty contents of the packet of brownie mix and mix in the egg, oil and water with a big spoon. Stir it for around 50 times, until everything is well mixed.
4. Pour half of it into the pan and then distribute the oreo cookies evenly. Pour the other half of mix in the bowl over the oreo cookies (to cover them).
5. Put the pan into the oven and bake for 28 mins. To ensure the brownies are ready, use a toothpick and poke through. The toothpick should be clean.
Ta-dah, you got your brownies done. Let them cool in the pan for about 45 mins before cutting them into pieces and removing them.
"Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn’t the world, it wasn’t the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don’t know, but it’s so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I’ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it."
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
I consider myself religious but I don't believe in necessarily displaying it. I pray, I fear god and I try to stick to the commandments. I have broken many and would be condemned to hell if I died now but I hope it's true that god is forgiving. I don't talk of church but last Sunday, the priest said something that struck me on many levels. He said that we should look forward and not wander too much in the past because the past can be disturbing. Paths can take on different turns depending on how one views it.
Right now i'm close to 0%, apart from losing interest in going out and people, my results have now degraded to the level that I can't even attain the lowest possible level of honours. I really don't feel like talking to anyone at this moment because I don't think any conversation that involves this can help. It feels as if my heart and feet have been cemented. Oh, I really fucked up badly this time didn't I?