Monday, May 28, 2012

I'm 21, and tomorrow's results day. I've got cake, lots, in my fridge and i've got gravity in front of me.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Saturday, May 12, 2012


Working 3.5 days from 10am to 10pm ends me sleeping for most of my days when i'm off from work. I don't i'd be able to upkeep a social life working in the retail setting with such timings because my back ache is acting up again, my feet are really tired and I just want to sleep. I'm filled with so much frustration and it would be much better if I didn't have any emotional commitments. It's not that I don't want what I have now but with the circumstances from both sides, there's a huge problem.

Right now i'm so sleepy, fuhfwsgbwg

Tuesday, May 8, 2012


I can't stay if you're not around most of the time, especially not after all that's happened. I know you can't help it; we cannot do anything to help bring you next to me for a day more but right now, each day is a new weight. I want to but I can't trust you. Perhaps there are days I do, but I hate the times my stomach is tied into knots by this uncertainty I have. I want to give you my all, everything I have, me. But I want to give you nothing, i'm not sure I want to give anyone more.
I hate this, I hate this contradictory. I hate how I can feel totally different from what I was feeling a moment ago. You don't understand, you're trying but somehow you don't get it most of the time. You're not perfect, I don't need perfect but you don't know the mess you've caused inside of me.
I can't tell this to my friends, they're a few whom I want to tell anyway. This is old, it's getting old and I wished these emotions could get old sooner or later. Maybe so they can die and rot eventually. It sucks to wake up in the middle of the night and think how you've wrapped your whole life around someone and that one person could leave one day. It sucks to wake up wanting someone but there's no one at the end of the day.
People are probably bored with this story and I hate how i've turned to this blog at the end.
What if love isn't enough to hold two people together? What if love isn't enough to patch what happened?What if love never had a breath.
I'm gonna hate how i've let myself be one of these people. Hopelessly affected by such emotions. It's unbelievable how much it feels. Oh, i'm lonely, this is pathetic.

Right now

"There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever."
We can be forgetting, we can be dying, we can be losing one another but I don't quite care anymore.
But oh man, I can do with a busy lifestyle where I got time for nothing.

Friday, May 4, 2012