haunts came back tonight

friday again

Have I mentioned the weather in Singapore is quite insane? It's terribly hot and humid. It's almost like suffocating.
I made myself a tote bag today, quite quickly. I must say i'm quite pleased with myself.
Have I also mentioned how I have this paradoxical battle with life. Almost a mix of happiness, frustration, hurt, joy, calm. It's not right to be sad so often.
Yesterday, I went to take a survey so I could earn $8 for lunch. It was about a life's experience and it got me thinking a lot about life and myself.
I wished whatever people told me are full truths. I wished I could know because there's no way I possibly can. I'd be more consistent with happy then.
Idleness is really a bitch, so is the possibility to think emotionally.
If I could keep love and trust that it'd be consistent. this is a start

You have the power to heal your life, and you need to know that. We think so often that we are helpless, but we’re not. We always have the power of our minds. Claim, and consciously use, your power.

Louise Hay

God help me.

"tonight someone told me that at some point, every person encounters a most poignant and significant trauma in life by which he or she will inevitably change completely. for better, for worse, it doesn’t matter. the point is that such a change alienates the person from everyone who surrounds them - especially in youth when the number of these trauma-burdened individuals is small. some are much younger than others. for example, it happened for him when he was 13 and his other brother was killed in an automobile accident. I think this is what is happening to me now. too much atypical trauma and I am not who I was a year ago, not even who I was yesterday anymore. worst of all, I know I am not alone but I can’t help but feel like an absolute alien."

When loneliness dwells too often

What happens when absence becomes too frequent that we get use to it and know not how to react when we get more time together. Why do we not expect anything but get so jaded and disappointed each time?
Are things not going right or are these just the course of how it's suppose to be? Because all I can see is how things are going downhill.

imma go be a comp whiz~