I have all these feelings but I don't know what to call them.

For three days, I was with someone whom I spent my whole time with. I slept knowing that he was there, I woke up knowing that he'll be by my side. It was calming. There were moments of frustration but they never lasted long. But those days ended and we're back to the reality of being apart.

Yesterday I was puking my guts out and having the worst series of diarrhea. It was so bad that I felt that I could have died. Then I thought of how I didn't tell those how much I really loved them.

Today it feels strange. Never thought i'd reach here but I miss someone so much that all I want to do is spend my time with that one person.

I need to get a grip I guess.

Love

Don't read anything of love, don't think about the musings of love, don't see what might be love. All so you can experience love without expectations and love as it is.

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I do not love you except because I love you; I go from loving to not loving you, From waiting to not waiting for you My heart moves from cold to fire. I love you only because it's you the one I love; I hate you deeply, and hating you Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you Is that I do not see you but love you blindly. Maybe January light will consume My heart with its cruel Ray, stealing my key to true calm. In this part of the story I am the one who Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you, Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood. beautifully written, be still my heart.

Margaret Atwood

“Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. It's like the tide going out, revealing whatever's been thrown away and sunk: broken bottles, old gloves, rusting pop cans, nibbled fishbodies, bones. This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes, not knowing the future. The ruin you've made.”