Breakfast

I haven't had a hearty warm breakfast in a long time

Ordinary Day

Currently a little overwhelmed with the realization of the amount that i've got to remember. I'm starting with P & GSL drugs, so if anyone would be kind enough to test me i'd be happy.

Listening to DCFC made me so excited for march!

Blank

I was the blank spaces at the edges of print, that's where I filled. Like the love I was taken for.

There is insignificance I was and, the freedom to break away because of creaseless evidence.

Margaret Atwood

“Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. It's like the tide going out, revealing whatever's been thrown away and sunk: broken bottles, old gloves, rusting pop cans, nibbled fishbodies, bones. This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes, not knowing the future. The ruin you've made.”

We might as well be strangers

I find no reason for destruction yet no motivation to hold on. The emotional attachment is probably what that makes me hold on. Disturbed, I recall the flaws and then the knot loosens a little and I feel better. It seems as if the attachment weighs me down with the baggage. Yet, how is it so that I am aware of this but I can't seem to let it go and turn cold to it.

I'd really love to take a break from it all, because right now it's hurting and I know that departure would be eventual.

I feel pretty on some days & other days, I feel ugly.

Chinese Neeew Year

One of my happiest things that happened today: got pinky promised a holiday

Cornflakes is good for you

Chinese New Year's Eve

Tomorrow, my house is gonna be flooded, okay i'm exaggerating a little, with people. Hopefully i'd get to stay in the room and receive better red packets (angbaos) this year. I don't know half of the people's names because I don't see them except during Chinese New year. I suspect it's the angbao my grandma gives along with the carrot cake which I see them happily stuffing their faces. I know this isn't right but their red packets can't even buy me a meal at the hawker centre sometimes. I'm not that excited for chinese new year but just glad for the holiday and angbaos i've to receive because i'm terribly poor at the moment. I'm sure most people would share this feeling with me too, hahaha.

Anyway i'm done with packing and cleaning my room. I happily dumped all the things I think I wouldn't need.

/hearts

help.

It's a pity that I still havent found what i'm looking for.

I still haven't found someone who would stay, I still haven't found someone who'd look me in the eyes and tell me they wouldn't give up on me.

I haven't gotten the courage to throw my heart away and accept what I need to do.

Is it possible

Is it possible to love and be loved,

Is it possible to succeed and fare well.

Is it possible to remain through death,

Is it possible to live through a song strung by depth,

Is it possible to breathe when sinking,

Is it possible that drowning is floating,

Is it possible that today I am facing melodrama,

Along with a melody that wraps.

school was bad today, enough about school.

& you died long time ago. long time ago, time to dust off the ashes.

this thought makes me almost feel relieved.

chinese new year is coming, goodies.

i'm so sleepy, gah

Polaroids from a year ago. staying & leaving

ramble

Sleepy, terribly. Neck ache, inducing a terrible headache: days. Sleeping early doesn't clear these symptoms. Caffeine doesn't kick in at the appropriate times. Not hungry, thirsty. Oh school, everyday. Weather is terrible, just too hot.

Nina Lindgren: A town of cardboards

Hush a whisper

Or leave words.

Figures might do;

I ask of nothing much or perhaps nothing

If it doesn't hold true.

Cause if it lies within,

Words spoken as half truths

As air that went unnoticed,

Tell me now.

Periods

This may sound crude but

I love periods because when you have it, you finally can explain why you've been feeling so sad/down/tired lately.

I woke up wondering how stuck I was. I don't want to be stuck here, here with people i'm far from yet near. I don't want to be stuck, go to get out.

Anyway on the other hand, I dreamt of a potential blockbuster to be zombie apocalypse. Explains why I overslept.

Grey evening

When you went, how was it you carried with you
My missal book of fine, flamboyant hours?
My book of turrets and of red-thorn bowers,
And skies of gold, and ladies in bright tissue?

Now underneath a blue-grey twilight, heaped
Beyond the withering snow of the shorn fields
Stands rubble of stunted houses; all is reaped
And garnered that the golden daylight yields.

Dim lamps like yellow poppies glimmer among
The shadowy stubble of the under-dusk,
As farther off the scythe of night is swung,
And little stars come rolling from their husk.

And all the earth is gone into a dust
Of greyness mingled with a fume of gold,
Covered with aged lichens, past with must,
And all the sky has withered and gone cold.

And so I sit and scan the book of grey,
Feeling the shadows like a blind man reading,
All fearful lest I find the last words bleeding
With wounds of sunset and the dying day.

I have so many things i'd like to post but i'm terribly tired today and terribly full from dinner. Just got home and i'm gonna get some rest.

I'm such a control freak, yikes. Anyway, TGIF

Today shall be my only time I skip lecture.

I'll post about the many lanterns I made for hours today later

Almost exhausted from all that craft work.

Tonight

Be sober, be humble, be glum, be solemn. tonight we tear, we cry, we sigh, we mourn. take stride, take pace, take breath, take courage. we're tired, we all are. let us sleep before the lights dim, let us rest.

10/1

The lazy cat sleeps for hours, must be the weather.

9/1

Past

One day you wake up and wished you had someone who would fight for you. The irony lies in how you knew he wouldn't when you said your last goodbye. Now you believe that he never had such emotional depth for you like you did for him because he's already forgetting you; your smell. Not once does he mention you, instead he talks more of other pasts. But it doesn't matter because it's the past and thankfully you got yourself out of it already. Just remember this if he ever comes back.

The Cloud of Unknowing

School starts tomorrow!
How I hate Orchard Road on a weekend & today I encountered ugly Singaporeans.
Anyway


I wished I had the chance to experience 'The Cloud of Unknowing' at the Singapore Pavilion of the 54th Venice Biennale. I came across it when I was surfing Asylum's webpage. I would love to experience the commendable clouds, effects and imagery.

Anyway, if you're interested in knowing what it's all about, here's the website: http://singaporescloudinvenice.blogspot.com/

School's starting on Monday and the thought of it tires me already. School from 8 till 6, 5 times a week. Im probably gonna quit obligations because I'm gonna have enough from school. Dread the sight of certain people, not that I hate them, it's just that I'm so disgusted, irritated by them. Hope things will be better than what I think now.

Iceland

I've always wanted to trek about Iceland. Klara Harden is amazing, she hiked around the whole of Iceland herself. I hope to do this before I turn 40.

It's nice to know

That there are people who care and whom you can share laughters with. They may not be your closest or best friends but they are good company whom you'll share happy memories with. This helps because you don't need to be with someone to feel loved or care; especially not when most bad memories reside there. I'm not saying we don't need it but that we won't die if we don't have it.

Good friday all!

A room with a lovely view, nice curtains, a high rooftop, a telly and space to put books and all!

Honestly honest here

Just woke up from my slumber I fell into after brunch. 2012 is starting off good. Emotions could run low but not to a level I saw myself so often in last year. I'm very much being myself which gives me peace. I'm not emotionally torn by that ex after I finally pulled myself out of that relationship. It was probably the hardest but best decision I made last year. The childish-ness, selfishness and hypocrisy made me finally accept this farewell. I wouldn't want to return to that shithole especially with the disgust and disbelieve I have with it.

In other words, i've moved on.

In this new year I hope to save myself from academics because my failures are clearly not justified.

I've got to start saving money since i've spent on kasabian & dcfc already.

So alas, I breathe freedom.

Good Morning!

jumping/dancing around the house with this song to start the day. goooooooooooood morning!

my midnight blue nails look almost black

the end

3/1, 3pm

Open Relationships

I finally went to find out what it means to have an open relationship after coming across it in my news feed.

An open relationship is an interpersonal relationship in which the parties want to be together but agree to a form of a non-monogamous relationship. This means that they agree that a romantic or sexual relationship with another person is accepted, permitted, or tolerated. Every operelationship is different because what exactly the relationship entails is defined by the wishes and desires of the parties involved. Some may only allow flirting, whereas others may permit dates, kissing, or sexual acts. By combining most common definitions, the overarching theme is that an open relationship is when the parties involved have two or more romantic or sexual relationships occurring at the same time either as a short term, such as dating, or long term, such as open marriage. Because of an open relationship’s structure, it is flexible enough to allow constant change. With this in mind, the relationship between one and his/her partner is always being renegotiated so that the relationship may grow.

(from wiki)

With this, I can't imagine being in one myself.

How to deal with slow walkers

Dont' understand Japanese, but you get the idea. This cracks me up.

2012

Might have cleared my sleep debt, what a good start!